Brave...
Dunno why, while I am blogging, I was tearing. Today was a day that God made me brave. He gave me the courage to do something extrodinary. But however, before I said what I did, I just wanna apologise to a dear fren of mine. I do not whether you will read my blog, but I wanna say, I treasure you much, never did I wanna hurt you in any ways. Please trust me...
Some issues were sorted out clearly today. Issues that were extremely important to me. Things that concern my whole being. I was rejected as a whole. I fall extremely bad. Lost the strength to carry myself up. And When I look up, I think of how God smiles to me, I teared even more. I know that I have hurt God too. But even though I had hurt HIM much, HE still forgives and love me as who I am.
Nobody knows exactly how I feel right now, only God knows. The struggle of keeping it to myself is a torture. But I reallly cant disclose to anybody. Not that I don't trust people around me, but because its something real personal.
After the rejection, I let out a big cry. So much that my eyes were swollen. At that moment, my dreams and aspirations seems to be taken away by it. I felt empty. All these dreams and aspirations are my motivations to live each day to the fullest. I am excited to see each day pass. Because, I am waiting for that very very very day... A day, that will change my entire life. But... I was left alone, to fulfill that dream. I do not know how, all I know was to cry and cry and cry at that very moment.
After the cry, God asked me not to give up. He wants me to pursue it. I did what most girls would not do. I decide to run forward, even though I know that there are chances that I will get rejected again. But still, I took the courage to pursue it. I will continue to run and run until God give me a sign. People may find me silly, but at least I am pursuing what I want, even if I failed, I will have no regrets.
For the next few years, it will be tough on me, because I will be running the race alone. No more companion. But, as long as I carry the faith, I believe one day, my companion will give me a hand. No matter how tough, no matter how hard, no matter how much tears, no matter how much sweat, I will complete the race. Because I can see it, I can have it!
If you see me getting weary, please remind me that I will see the day coming. I will...
Pau, Thanks for your shoulder. :)
Brave girl,
Freda
